Right now, I am really feeling uncomfortable. Like, crawling out of my skin uncomfortable.
First, I am currently uncomfortable with my business. Two months ago, I was a one-woman show, running things under a certain business model. I had it down with a full schedule that was jam packed with meetings, client appointments, and back end tasks everyday. And I’ve recently given that up and changed my model so that is no longer my reality.
I did this because I knew it wasn’t the right model for me to continue under, and deeply felt that I was meant to serve a greater audience. So, I pivoted, and now I am completely re-branding and, in many ways, starting over. I feel like I have started a business from scratch again and am building it from the ground up. I have gone from a team of me (and only me) to a team of five. They require money. Direction. New systems. And Hol. Ee. Shit. I feel uncomfortable.
Right now, at this moment, I also feel uncomfortable in my relationship. JP and I are working through old patterns from our old lives, and figuring it out. It leads to a lot of what I call “love trauma.” It’s old trauma from old relationships that you have yet to work past, so you’re triggered by your current love. It leads to disconnect at times, and us needing to take a breather before we come back together. I feel uncomfortable as we don’t have it all figured out and are working our way through the unresolved issues.
“But Erika, you look so happy? Are you happy? Are you happy with your business? You and JP?”
I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life ever. My joy is immense and deep. Roughly 98% of the time JP and I are laughing, snuggling, traveling, having deep convos, and having amazing sex. And the only reason I am this happy (aside from right now… right now I feel uncomfortable AF) is that I leaned into discomfort and didn’t bail. I got here because of discomfort.
I see that there are two types of discomfort:
1. There’s the kind where you are in the wrong place with the wrong people, and it’s telling you to go away (I call this misaligned uncomfortable).
2. Then there’s the kind where you are in the right place with the right people, and it’s telling you to stay because this is breaking out of your old and into the new awesome (I call this aligned uncomfortable).
Just like there is more than one type of pain, there is more than one type of uncomfortable. Different pains tell you different things, and so do the different flavors of uncomfortable. Misaligned uncomfortable, I believe, is trying to get your attention to wake up. “This isn’t good for you,” it will say… Like that one time I was 25 in Las Vegas. I had braces, and this bouncer told me he liked my braces because it reminded him of his babysitter that he made out with when he was young. Yes, HIS babysitter. I was indeed uncomfortable with babysitter fetish bouncer dude. He was not my person. Nothing about it felt good. It was misaligned uncomfortable.
Aligned uncomfortable, I believe, is a labor pain. It is you being birthed by the giant vagina of life into a more awesome, better life. But you had to grow in the womb of your old self, old ways, old patterns, and now you’re ready to be born into the new. Labor is uncomfortable.
What I have come to learn is this; just when things get SUPER uncomfortable (and it is aligned uncomfortable) things on the other side are better than I could have imagined. On the other side is what I have wanted and more.
I know I am in aligned uncomfortable because of how much my heart sings. That’s how you know you are aligned. My heart is beaming with my new brand, my new model, and my new team. I am being birthed into my new, bigger, more authentic place in the world as a healer, coach, and speaker. I am being birthed into an existence I have never known. It’s uncomfortable.
My heart is on fire with JP. I absolutely love him. I love the life we have built this last year together. I love the life we have planned. I love how I feel with him when we are uninhibited with our love and connection. We are both being birthed into our amazingness as a couple and individuals. Up to this point, we never had passionate, epic love and partnership with mind-blowing sex. This labor is twins with no epidural. However, the process to grow us and birth us into who we are now (as opposed to last year) is what has allowed us to be in this amazing space with each other. If we bailed when it got uncomfortable, we would have been done by December of last year. So we let ourselves go through it. Tonight is no exception. I am being birthed in a relationship and love I have never known. It’s uncomfortable.
Hang on tight my loves. Don’t bail on the feeling of uncomfortable when you know below all of it, your heart is singing. When your heart is singing, it’s for you. Trust, and let the new amazingness be born.
PS- JP and I were birthed by the vagina of life into new amazingness, closeness, and understanding the day after this blog was written at approximately 2:24pm.
PSS- Write to me and tell me what has you uncomfortable.